Thursday, 23 February 2017

Dear 007: Bill Adler's letters to James Bond

The American writer Bill Adler is well known for his compilations of letters to famous people and organisations. His books include Dear Beatles, Funniest Fan Letters to Batman, and Kids' Letters to President Obama. In 1966, he turned his attention to James Bond with Dear 007, a collection of spoof letters to the 'supersleuth', with illustrations by Paul Bacon.
 
The cover of Dear 007 (Simon & Schuster, 1966) by Bill Adler
The letters from
the (presumably) fictitious correspondents cover a range of topics. There are letters written from a male perspective that congratulate Bond on his success with women. “Boy, it must be just great to be a man of the world like you,” writes Ludwig D. Another correspondent, Milton C from Atlanta, writes, “You certainly have a fantastic way with women. Where did you learn your technique?”

Other correspondents admire Bond's toughness and physicality. “You're such a strong fearless and courageous person. I know you must be able to give me some good advice on how to overcome my fears.” The anonymous writer continues, “You see I'm the new 008 and if the boss ever finds out he'll fire me.”

Then there are letters from adoring women: “The thing that I like best is your cute accent” (Betsy P, Coney Island); “What excites me most is the marvellous way that you get rid of your enemies” (Theresa G, Birmingham, Ala.); “I just gotta be one of your ten most wanted” (Luzy W, Hollywood).

Other letters offer advice. Bruce L of Brooklyn provides a list of rules that will keep Bond safe, such as “Don't shoot a man unless his back is turned,” or “If you meet a suspicious person, kick him in the groin first and ask questions later.” Jim R of Portland writes with details of new type of gun he's invented.

Not every correspondent is so appreciative of Bond. “If it wasn't for Pussy Galore, you would have never won your battle over your arch enemy, Mr Goldfinger,” Andrea C of Washington tells Bond. Walter H of Trenton writes to tell Bond, “You may be a hot shot with the broads, but you'll never get a Nobel prize.”

The letters draw largely on the films for inspiration. A letter from Morris U of the Painters' Union of New York congratulates Bond for the 'good paint' job on Jill Masterson in Goldfinger. Dr William B from Levittown, meanwhile, is unconcerned about Bond's safety when he's handcuffed to an atomic device in Goldfinger or dodging a helicopter in From Russia With Love, but is worried about Bond's smoking habit.

The books are referenced too, though in a more general way. “Once I was a skinny runt who was ignored by women and didn't have any appreciation of fine wines. Then I read your books,” writes Harry F. In another letter, Mrs Charles B of Detroit expresses her concern about the bad influence Bond's books are having on her twelve-year-old son: “We feel that the Hardy Boys are more appropriate for a 12 year old boy.”


The back cover of Dear 007
The amusing illustrations similarly look to the films. Bond, usually pictured with his back turned to the reader, is shown, for instance, in frogman gear (a nod to Thunderball), behind the wheel of an Aston Martin (Goldfinger), or at the mercy of a Dr No-like villain.

The book plays on Bondian tropes that quickly became standard with the release of the first few Bond films, among them Bond's sophisticated tastes and knowledge, attraction to women, self-assurance, and physical prowess. There are some notable omissions, though. There is little reference to gadgets, for example, and no mention of M, Miss Moneypenny, and Q. Perhaps those elements or memes were not yet sufficiently well established in their own right within the cultural environment to merit spoof treatment. And of course there is no allusion to volcanoes, space and snow-covered mountains and other Bondian landscapes (Bondscapes?) that at the time the book was written had not featured in any of the films, the obvious point being that one can't parody what doesn't yet exist in Bond's world.

Overall, the book is very funny and is well worth a look. And to my mind an update is well overdue. In fact, we could make a start now. If anyone wants to write a letter to James Bond in the style of Dear 007 (keep it clean), post it in the comments section.

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